Don’t Let Me Go.

It feels like I was giving you too many chance to break my heart, and yet you always held a special place in my heart. And I always thought of you at the most random time and in most random places and the thought of you always made me smile.

I tried so many times to dig through your depth but you wouldn’t even let me scratch the surface.And I guess after all these words that was left unsaid, after all these rejections, after all these failed attempts and after all the heart break, I would preferred you gave me the chance to say everything.

I am seeing myself the way I saw you, I am loving myself the way I loved you. I am accepting myself the way I accepted you.

Lost and Found.

I never thought that I could be happy happy without you, I never thought that I could be so carefree. All these came too slow right? You wanted to be happy but I was too stubborn holding you on by my side all these while. I thought that I couldn’t live without you, I thought that I couldn’t survive all these but I was wrong. Instead, I became stronger and heartless than ever.

I learned how to protect my heart like they said “wild hearts can’t be broken”. I forgot when was the last time I saw you, when was the last time I cried for you and when was last time I miss you.

For you are no longer the man I fell in love with. I am no longer the same girl whose heart you broke.

I may have known you as well as the back of my hand before, but you’re a stranger now.

忘记

承诺太沉重 你背不到最后 任凭我独自坠落
是我太执著 就像那残留的灼火 微微弱弱颤抖

用所有爱过的回忆 原谅 着你
恨自己不能把过去 放弃
此刻我却无能为力 我们的爱变成我自己的悲剧

无法忘记无法痊愈 我越是清醒越怕失去你
怪我太任性 只盼时间将伤痕抹去 恨你 我无能为力

用所有爱过的回忆 原谅你
恨自己不能把过去 放弃
你和谁创造新回忆 我一个人的悲剧 不奢求你感激

I Will Survive.

i. You will want to text him no matter what and you tried your best not to but eventually, you will send him “I miss you” whenever you are drunk (checked 2nd Jan 2015).

ii. Do not stalk his social media whether it’s Twitter or Instagram because it will seriously break you even more apart when you saw his flirt tweets with other girls or his close photo with a new girl (checked: 11th Nov 2014).

iii. Do not write any letters to him, mail him any gifts or just anything because he will never appreciate it. He will never say thank you and he will never ever reply you. What makes you think he will reply your letters when he doesn’t even want to reply your message? (checked: 5th Jan 2015).

How Dare You Miss Me When Your Feelings Faded On Me.

I’m lost of words, I’m tired of writing something which I will never get across you. Do you remember what we once promised each other- to never contact each other again, to treat each other like complete stranger after we split? I’m sorry but I can never treat you as a stranger because you will and can never be a stranger to me… To me, you are completely dead. So every single day I’m asking myself again and again what’s the point of remembering someone that’s dead?

H2ht with the girls last night and randomly they brought up the topic regarding you and me. They know all these affected me a lot but they are the ones that got more agitated than me for the way you treated me. I’m so lost of words when I think back of whatever that happened between us and I’m amazed with the kind of life I lived for 10 months.

Though some day I miss you and some day I still wish you were in my life but I never hope we will get back together. I don’t want to lose my pride, my ego and dignity all over again to you. If you ever miss me, don’t you ever dare to forget your feelings faded on me.

1135 Days.

Three years into loving you, you once asked me how much I loved you and I just said “from here”. You didn’t get it and you got mad and thought I was playing around.

Breaking up after almost ten months together, I sent you a message six months later saying “to here”.

You still didn’t get it.

Another 18th, another actually 17th months.

Longing To Say “I’m Fine” And Mean It.

“Will you ever give me your blessing when I found someone after we split?”
“I will only give you my blessing on the day you are walking down the aisle of happiness even if it’s not with me.”

Started my 21st birthday planning and contemplating if I should invite you because of the promise I once made to you- to invite you to every big event of my life which include of 21st, my wedding and etc. Yes I’m doing it because I’m not like you who broke all the shit promises you made to me, all the shit empty words you said and pretending to me an angel while I was the bad person the whole time.

I don’t expect myself to crumble again when I see anything that’s related to you, I don’t expect things to still hit me after so long and I never expect everything seems like a lie. Hey, I was your bestfriend remember? Why do you bear to break me and destroy me?

“… I love you but I will not be here anymore”

D-184: 6th months.

It’s been exactly 6months ever since you left me… None of these days had been easy for me but I’m coping well, I’m trying my best to move on with my own life. Knowing that you will never come back into my life again hurts but throughout the journey, I’ve learned many things as well. drinking almost every single day ever since you left, and it seems like my favourite past time now whereby it used to be drinking only during the weekends. I know myself the best that I can never drink enough to forget you but how about at that moment? I don’t like to drink but it reminds me of you as well as your alcohol-stained breathe.