Hi, 29 years old me.

Last checked I was here back in 2018 when dayre decided to change into subscription based. It’s been long 5 years… Looking back at the past 5 years, many things changed. I had a change of job, I’m in a different life stage at the moment and of course I’ve grown but ultimately, one reason that bring me back here is the channel for my outlet.

Continue reading Hi, 29 years old me.

Military through a female eyes.

I guess quite a number of people ALWAYS have this stereotype that female in the military always have it easier but that’s bullshit because we need to do whatever a guy can do.

Someone once told me this “remember whatever you do, the good or the bad, you will always have twice the attention just because you are a female”.

Tbh, I used to hate my vocation because I’m a Marine System Operator in short saikang warrior.

Other than maintaining the engines and every other systems that keep the ship moving onboard, I still need to know how to do fire fighting, I need to clear shit if it choke the pipes or the toilet bowl.

Basically we do everything.

We don’t really have the luxury to sit in aircon room all the times, we have to have some sauna session at least few hours in the engine room everyday.

Imagine a 1.5″ or 2.5″ fire hose being pressurised and you need to carry it to fight fire or pulling the hose for bunkering or dewatering the hose??

Carrying the BA set while suiting up in some XL fireman suit running up and down?

It almost want my life every single time.

I will always hope that my male counterparts will always look at me with equality and not belittle me just because I’m small, I’m petite.

Yes I may not be as physically strong as them, but I might be good at other stuff like talking HAHAHA kidding.

Being a female in the military is not as simple as it seems… If you are good, you earned the respect twice but if you screw up, you will get reprimand twice. That’s how the world work.

I remember I received a number of sexist remarks like “aiya girls shouldn’t be in the military where you all can do deskbound job” or “girls is a waste of space here” or “you should really revocate” or even “girls shouldn’t be a MS”.

But I’ve always tell myself that I chose this career path myself and that no matter what, I need to give my best to the SAF from the moment I put my signature on the dot.

I used to have this mentality of aiya whatever I do, I still get paid on the 10th but then someone once told me, the moment I decided to put on this uniform, its my duty and responsibility to protect Singapore.

Just like this saying 没有国，就没有家.

I think I sounded too patriotic over here but I’m saying in the prospective of my job.

I’m a woman. I serve the nation. I can do everything a man can do and I can, I will protect this country.

You Don’t Care.

Don’t worry. I’m doing fine.

It’s okay. You don’t have to text me. You don’t have to ask my friends how I’m doing. You don’t have to dedicate a second of your time to thinking about how much pain you brought into my life. The truth is, I’m doing fine without you. And I don’t mean “fine” as in I’m pretending to be doing great, but am secretly dying on the inside. I’m good.

The confusion hurts the worst.

Continue reading You Don’t Care.